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Penny & Anyone, Forever

by Trestin Eeling

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1.
I get so scared when the second hand’s moving too fast And the silence is louder than I’ve ever heard Everyone is drunk saying “I love you I love you I love you” And here I am sitting silent and sober I get so tired carrying these three words on my tongue And they all have a dumpster to toss them in Me, I’ve thrown away ABCD_FGH_JK_MN_PQRST__WX_Z Scared, when the clock ticks, will I ever say anything? So I down some beers and get my voice back And I… uh… Where’s my “I love you”s? Where’s my “I love you”s? This sucks
2.
Windowless 02:45
Plotless, with nothing, I sing insignificant Bottle-caps stacking up Stare at me - I know you can’t Darkness is dumb, but without a window I just sleep without the sun It could be day by now for all I know And am I being vague? And am I sleeping in when the morning comes? I don’t mean to be but need this to be known Where do you see yourselves wandering to? And haven’t you wondered who wants you not to wander? I know it’s only sometimes, but those sometimes are intense Like, I’ll sing a love song but then must live with what comes next And am I being blunt? And am I scaring you when the morning comes? I don’t mean to be but need this to be known I forgot that moments change, now you’re the only one
3.
Never Fall 03:36
Everyone’s back with the people they’re fucking Everyone’s back with them Where do they see themselves wandering to? And haven’t they wondered about me (who can’t take it on)? Everyone’s dancing in the kitchen at Dillon’s house Everyone’s laughing around Everyone’s happy with their arms around each other And it’s all erasing my sound Everyone’s screwing it up and- and- And it’s all erasing my plot I mean the plot I last left in west Massachusetts And I bet she’s with anyone, just like the rest I mean the one I didn’t kiss And I haven’t seen her since And I’m not getting anywhere by singing all this I gotta drive there No, walk there, I’m already tipsy Everyone’s back with the people they’re fucking Everyone’s back with them Where do they see themselves wandering to? And haven’t they wondered about me and my plot? I mean the plot I last left in west Massachusetts And I bet she’s with anyone, just like the rest I mean the one I didn’t kiss And I haven’t seen her since And I’m not getting anywhere by singing all this I gotta drive there No, walk there, I’m already tipsy They tell me I’m blind to my Penny-ful trends But I know they’re drunk, they make no sense Oh what happened to my plot? Oh she’s just a friend Well it figures my present heart falls straight from my head They tell me I’m blind to my Penny-ful trends But I’m getting drunk so I might make no sense Well I fucked my last “plot” I keep saying that she’s just a friend Well it figures my present heart falls straight from my head But no, I’ll never fall! Everyone’s back with the people they love Everyone’s back with them Everyone’s backing down
4.
Myselfish 05:53
I’m not falling for you and I I’m not falling for you Yeah I’m just singing a song And NOTHING ELSE Don’t get so close Know my knows aren’t spoken Don’t run so much Know I don’t have a sole now It tore at the pavement The paint ain’t safe yet Don’t get so close Know my knows aren’t spoken They’re soulful but spineless My time isn’t binding To misses or misters But distance is bliss There’s a blister to itch And a niche I have missed Staying inside some silent lips ain’t the same It’s not me No it’s not me It’s not me It’s not me …It’s me I’m not falling for you and I I’m not falling for you Yeah I’m just singing a song And NOTHING ELSE It’s hard to feel anything If you never let your guard down And I hardly feel anything But a something’s coming from the ground So I will fall for a bit I SWEAR, JUST FOR A MINUTE But once I fall I hit the ground …well that was quick, and I’m all in Etch our names into a tree: “Penny & Anyone”
5.
Aaaaaahhh As it drizzles they all go inside Saying, “A storm’s a-comin’” And I’m stuck with no face But got faith I’ll find the one The one is changing all the time Tonight she’s howling all her talk Into a telephone and sending All that fruit up to her love And as it drizzles I stay outside Smoking up to slow it down And I get lost in vagueness When I wish I could be blunt Then on the deck I lay alone The rain is breaking up my love And for a second they’re separate But then back to being one Aaaaaahhhh
6.
I should really learn how to use the phone Before the end of summer Before I move away to Arizona She to Buffalo I should really learn how to use the phone Before the end of summer Before I move away to Montana She-haw Tennessee I should really learn how to use the phone Before the end of summer Before I move to Portland, Oregon And she to Brazil I should really learn how to use the phone Before the end of summer Before I move to Siena Lunga, Tuscany And she to Antarctica I should really learn how to use the phone Before the end of summer Before I move away to the moon And she’ll stay in Smithtown These are the songs All sung from the porch In the pouring rain Saying we’re separating either way From now on I’ve always loved you So they walked as wooly mammoths Their nomadic lonely lives At opposite ends of the globe The rain got them soaked And the snow froze them solid Such a sad fate for our so plaisted protagonist “There’s no doubt in my mind I’ll see her again!” He thought to himself in peace As the last bit of rainwater began to freeze It crept up his eyes until his eyelids were ice And seemingly important geometric shapes Danced in and out of his sight Then after what felt like the whole winter He wished so bad to just finish the story already “Penny & Anyone, Forever” Or at least “The Un-freezing and Re-meeting” Where nothing was noteworthy from right now until then He would write - well - nothing While it might not be noteworthy It was still happening Which was actually terrifying Because if this time between the freezing and storybook ending Happen to him it happens to her And what if she makes a mistake and meets the one? Well, there’s always another ‘one true love’ He wasted a lot of time there Pretending to be in a corny love story Figuring the most efficient way to break the blinding ice Was to get up and move He snapped out of that broken moment And into the party he was hiding in plain sight from His soaked clothes needed a new home And he still had the perfect ending to write A few more rock bottom moments to mourn in The morning, which always feels like a new beginning Which is the perfect way to end a story Although the sun always comes The rest of the night does as well
7.
Bed Blind 03:33
I lost my face when I fell I lost my faith when I came I kept it quiet ‘cause I didn’t have a mouth anymore Let my eyes go as they rolled away I lost my face when I fell I lost my faith when I came I lost the ability to care about things And so I did not care about getting that ability back I guess I care less every YES they sing I think I’m sick or still a kid But I don’t know No, I just wanna scream and fuck it all though I lost my face when I fell I lost my faith when I came I kept it cryptic in the best of my bones Lonely though that no one ever knows I lost my face when I fell I lost my faith when I came I crept back into thinking ‘anything goes’ And so ghosts lived where, love, it should have been I guess i care less every YES they sing I think I’m sick or still a kitten- I’m tired and I just wanna cry and shut off my mind Then got out of bed and puked Wobbled up the block back home Vision’s twisted itself up When I find my eyes… I will be seeing straight so I will know just what to say But for now fall into sheets Faithless and dumb I lost my face when I fell I lost my faith when I came I kept it cryptic in the best of my bones Lonely though that no one ever knows I lost my face when I fell I lost my faith when I came I lost the ability to care about things And so I did not care about anything at all
8.
You mean so much to me When I see you in dreams It’s still so hard to tell what’s real You mean so much to me When I see you in dreams Somnolence never lets me be Because sometimes I wake up There’s static everywhere And it spirals and swirls, oh yeah Yeah sometimes I wake up With static everywhere And it spirals and swirls like it used to I thought it was gone when I last said “NO MORE” Oh I used to wish nights never to end Now I dread every one to begin This one did And like always I don’t do anything
9.
Penny 04:23
You came from the bookshelf And Penny, you just swept me away And I read how you fell in love with anyone And so I fell in love with everyone You left me in New York And San Remo is not the same You left me, a duckling, I never got to finish this page
10.
I can’t feel my heart when Penny’s not in it And know I don’t need her to feel anything It’s just that wandering lost is a dumb/boring plot I’m sure I lost it all when I carved in the tree Because an etching is physical, permanent to me Just wanna wait for the sun but the night still comes I kept on falling in love ’til I loved everyone So I went back to the porch to cut down the tree And if there never was one I’ll just kill what it means The symbol wasted so much So Penny, you’re dead to me
11.
Spoils 04:11
Don’t get so close Know my knows aren’t spoken They’re soulful but spineless My time isn’t binding To misses or misters But distance is bliss There’s a blister to itch And a niche I have missed Staying in some silent lips ain’t the same But it’s not me No it’s not me, no it’s not me No it’s the way my watermelon wasn’t taken Now it’s rotten on my chest And don’t run so much Know I don’t have a sole now It tore at the pavement The paint, well it ain’t safe yet It must be oil based What a waste the wait to dry Running complicated drills While my feet are hurting, still And no, it’s all I know It’s all I know No it’s the way my watermelon rotted up I need some one to clear it off The weight of the stage And the “stay please” pleaded Didn’t it dim with limbs and their limitless simpleness? Stake out the one, wandering simpleton Singing sinking love in is the simplest thing And it’s sweet And it is good And my new seed It’s sprouting buds And it grows Now I’ve got to give my fruit or it’ll spoil And it’s got to be to you

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released April 19, 2015

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Trestin Eeling Smithtown, New York

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